The other day I was talking to one of my friends about this semester. I mentioned how school is hard for me because I don't necessarily want to be here. Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly thankful for where I am and that I am getting a degree. What kind of degree? That is to be determined. I know the Lord wants me here right now. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for my incredible community. I am thankful for what I am being taught. And lets be honest, I have a pretty fun life.
But at the same time I want to be there. I don't actually know where there is, but I am more and more aware of how ready my heart is to go when the Lord tells me to. I want to be in Guatemala hugging Luis or Elle. I want to be in Jamaica with Ne-yo snuggling in my lap or Kishmar chasing me down the hall. I want to sit in the orphanage floor and let the kids pull and "style" my hair. I want to tickle Usain and Emmanuel and hear them giggle and fight me until they have no fight left and I can squeeze them tight and kiss them on the cheek and let them know that they are loved. I want them to know that their Daddy loves them.
My heart hurts.
It hurts that these kids don't have mommy's or daddy's to squeeze them and kiss them.
It hurts that they have been abandoned.
It hurts that they are not wanted.
It hurts that they feel the pain of loss.
It hurts that they are alone.
But God is faithful.
He is the almighty Father and He showers them with kisses.
He will never abandon them.
He wants them more than anything.
He restores and brings healing.
He is always with them.
I am so thankful that we are not orphans, because we have been adopted into the Kingdom of heaven. Praise the Lord for that. I am anxiously awaiting the day when I get to go back and hug these kids and tell them that they are not orphans, because their Daddy loves them.
A big piece of my heart is thousands of miles away, but I am working on being present and focusing on what the Lord is teaching me in this time. He is good. alllllllways.
and plllllease try and tell me that these faces don't melt your hearts..